Toxic relationship – Five signs you are in one

Toxic relationship – Five signs you are in one

I was in a  relationship for five years. I felt butterflies on my stomach in the initial phase of my relationship. I had started believing that the fairy tale love exists and my partner loves me the way Alladin loves Jasmine and Romeo loves Juliet.

But as time passed by, I started sensing that things started changing.

All the love texts, gifts, cards, dates were being replaced by fights, jealousy and judgments. The person who used to be sweet to me suddenly became rude and our relationship was getting toxic day by day. All that I was getting from that relationship was stress, tension, trauma, sadness, etc

He started yelling at me. He used to demotivate me in everything I am interested in. He started making me feel that I was good at nothing. Along with that, he started telling me that I was not as beautiful as other girls. This all started after we were in a relationship for two years and he continued doing this for the following three years. 

He never abused me physically, but I was emotionally abused for three years.

The mistake that I made was I continued the relationship thinking that he is not physically abusive and I gave him more chances. 

If you are passing through the same situation I went through, then you are in a  toxic relationship. 

What is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. 

According to Jane Greer, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, you should be concerned the minute your partner makes you feel you’re not good enough. “If they make you feel like no matter what you’re doing, it always seems to be the wrong thing, and that no matter how hard you try, it’s never going to be enough to please your partner—those are red flags.”

If you’re in a toxic relationship, you may realize some of these signs in yourself, your partner, or the relationship itself.

Jealousy 

Many people misunderstand jealousy as a sign of love. It’s normal to feel jealous sometimes. But if your partner is constantly jealous, then it means he/she is unable to trust you. 

In my case, my partner you use to check up on me 24/7 by either calling or by texting. He even used to stalk my social media and constantly go through my text messages.  He had begun to question my every friendship.

Lack of self care

 “A partner who offers unsolicited suggestions for what you need to improve, doesn’t support your interests or hobbies, and fundamentally criticizes aspects of who you are is definitely toxic,” says Gary Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Monmouth University. 

I love dancing and I had joined a dance class. I had separated two hours of my day for dance practice. He started saying to me that why am I wasting my time on dancing and he even told me that I don’t dance well. He forced me to stop dancing.

Only thinking about them 

Is your partner self- centered?

Is your partner unkind or arrogant?

If so, you might be in the relationship with a narcissist.

Narcissists are extremely self-serving. “You’re only aware of what your partner does to you and not aware of what you do to them,” says Dr. Tatkin.

Narcissism is a behavior that’s difficult to overcome.  Narcissists believe themselves as a victim so they are not able to identify that they’ve treated others unkindly. Here are signs you’re going through narcissist abuse:

  • Emotional blackmail 
  • Manipulation
  • Financial abuse

Lowering your self-esteem

I always had to hear comments like:

“ That dress doesn’t suit you.”

“I don’t like your haircut.”

“Do you need to post photos everyday on social media.”

“ Why are you wearing so much makeup?”

“ Why do you have to meet your friends every weekend?”

“These kinds of comments strip away your self esteem,” says  Jane Greer, PhD, a marriage and family therapist.

If you hear these comments again and again you start losing your confidence and you start doubting yourself in everything you do.

Your family and friends are concerned 

Why is he treating you like that?

Why is he talking to you like that?

Why are you holding into someone who is constantly dragging  you down? 

If your friends or your family members ask you questions like this, then they are being protective and showing that they care about you. They might be observing  the way you are dealing with your toxic partner and they want to see you happy.

I know many people who are holding on to toxic relationships. I know it is not easy to get rid of the relationship because you value it the most. But believe me, living with a toxic partner for a lifetime could be worse.  

Relationships are important, but toxic relationships are not.

Stay true to yourself, love yourself, listen to your heart and be strong enough to identify and get out of a toxic relationship.

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